I need help removing her.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize