sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
