Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
be right there i have to get my cape
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
