how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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