i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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