I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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