it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
