I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
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I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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