I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
