If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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