Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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