Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
