It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
