so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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