Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
