i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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