you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
