Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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