took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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