im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
