My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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