The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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