Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
