I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the raccoons are back...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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