my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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