so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
