I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
