he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
