my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
