basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
