I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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