Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
