Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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