I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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