Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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