After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
