hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
