Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
