I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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