thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
