you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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