I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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