I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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