I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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