You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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