hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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