my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The ass gains better be worth it
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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