OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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