3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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