Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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