Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
