i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
