thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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