You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
