my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
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Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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