i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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