Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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