Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
