Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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