: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
