3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
