Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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