It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
