I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
