I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
