I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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