I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
