i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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