Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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