and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
