Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
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I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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