i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
