Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
