After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
