if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
