I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
