Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
